Is it the more you PRAY, the more you FAIL?

I BELIEVE THAT I’M NOT THE MOST religious person in our family or even among my friends, but I have always maintained a personal relationship with God. However, I’m guilty of the fact that in good times, in times when I feel like I’m living the life, I would sometimes forget to stop and say a little prayer of thanks. In moments when I achieve the things I deeply desire, I’ve realized that I would rather thank someone first than say “Hey God, this is all for you”. Though I honestly don’t have the intention to neglect Him, sometimes, I do... 

With my strong will to succeed on things I want to achieve, I would always brave it through the gust of life’s challenges, asking for just little of His help. Often than not, I would end up victorious. I get so accustomed with the belief that I can be successful on every endeavor as long as I’m focused and determined, that I forgot what failure is.

Then the storm came.

It was when I experienced the worst that I came running to Him, beggiing for His help. I did manage to put myself up and slowly get back on track---thanks to Him. Since then, I prayed habitually, asking for His guidance…for His favor. Days passed and I could see that it is better than before; I become better than who I was before. But just as when I almost reached the end of the line, something strong pulled me back, so quick that in a blink of an eye…I lost everything.

I started questioning Him “Why?” After praying diligently, after surrendering everything to Him and after prioritizing Him above anything else, why did I get this? It is not that I am mad with God, because I still believe that I don’t have the right, it is more like asking for an assurance that this is just a trial and that I’m not being forsaken. With the thinking that I  just have to be more patient, I continued praying and put myself back on the starting line. I worked hard, prayed hard and believed that I’ll be able to win this time.

But then I failed again...and again...and again.

A series of drawbacks seem to be the result of the petitions I did. If before I’m not used to failing, now, I fail more than I succeed. It is so devastating to hear right? But let me tell you, it is ten times more heartbreaking when you experience it first-hand. You’ll become frustrated and will try to prove that there is a way to overcome such disappointments thru your guts and will. However in the end, you are still defeated, beaten by the circumstances that you didn’t actually know of. So now tell me, is it true that the more you pray, the more you fail?

Looking at my own experiences, it may be true. Yes, the more we pray, the more we face challenges. The more we move closer to God, the more hindrances come our way. Maybe this is why some people already stop praying. Those people who experienced the worst while leaning to God had just chosen to move away from Him, maybe because they don’t find the right reasons to stay anymore. Some would even think that it is better to be away from God, because mishaps may be fewer or even none. For me, I don’t think so.

I will not let Him go, until He bless me.

I may look into those failures as failures, but I know that He has a reason for letting me experience such. I may have the greatest of dreams, but His plans would always be greater than them. I may not be patient enough, but I will try to patiently wait for my time and trust His perfect timing. I may be restless at times, but I will try to calm my mind and heart and listen to what He has to say. See? Staying with God would really be tough. Praying and asking for your heart’s desires may took a long, long time, that you’ll get tired of waiting, but you must not give up because nothing great in this life will come easy.

I will always tell myself, even at moments when I lose all the hope in my heart, that God only wants the best for me and for everyone. I’m still lucky with what I have now: an understanding family, supportive partner and caring friends. We may look at our lives as a huge mess, things are not in the right places…but if you’ll just stop and look around, look at your life carefully, you are far more blessed than the others---so be thankful for it.

So let us continue praying, even if more failures will come in the future. Don’t worry, we shall not always fail, there will come a time that we will succeed, just hold on to God and keep the faith.

Let me leave you with these wonderful words from Sonia Rocotti (which I originally got from Didache 2017):

“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.”

Don't let go until you're blessed!