Vampires do exist

MY HAIRS ARE NOW RAISING A BIT because I’m currently writing this post on my bed, lights are off and it’s already past 2 am. The title is so perfect for this, and I can’t change it just because I’m scared! *cold sweat* Alright, to give you an overview, it simply goes like this: “Haters gonna hate”. Intriguing huh? Continue reading and you’ll find out why.

Note: This is not a hate post, but rather an eye-opener piece, which will make you realize that it is indeed a cruel world, made even crueler by difficult people. What to do when you encounter them? You’ll learn it here :)

Disclaimer: The “vampire” concept was inspired by the title of a book written by Brother Bo Sanchez. Any similarities of this write-up with the ideas of the author are not intended because I haven’t fully read the book.

IT STARTED LONG AGO

Since I was in high school, I’ve been dealing with vampires, I just don’t know then that they are indeed such cold-blooded monsters. These creatures looked like normal people and they don’t suck blood, but instead, they suck hope and happiness. Before, I really don’t mind seeing them around because they don’t affect me directly. Yes they bother me almost every time, but they only give me bruises which healed easily. But as I got older, I started noticing that they also evolved in time, they are now causing me scratches---minor scrapes that leave tiny marks which took time to heal completely.  The offensive words can be annoying, you’ll carry them for a while, but they’ll surely be forgotten after some time. A lot has been said to me because I look intimidating. But after all the mockeries, I just licked my tiny wounds and moved on. 

THEY FOLLOWED ME

I survived with some leeches for several years, and then graduated in college. I thought life would be different when you are already older, professional and mature. But when I stepped into the new chapter of my life, I met the most petrifying creatures---the real vampires. I never thought that there would be such kind of beings who’d walk and talk without a soul. I can’t believe that the most difficult person I’ve met before is nothing compared to these heartless bodies. At first, they will look like us, but as the disguise starts to disappear, the face of a monster will begin to take its form. 

I never wished to fell on their trap, but years ago, these monsters caused me deep wounds. I still have the scars until today, but they don’t remind me of the pain anymore, but instead, they made me stronger. They may still continue in their pursuit of ruining my life, but they can never suck all the happiness, because I have plenty---it won’t run out. What I have now for them is pity, because instead of destroying me, they are destroying themselves. But what is it with me that they want? I think I don’t have something so worthy of their time, yet they keep on spending great amount energy just to tell the world that I am a catastrophe.  

Envy, pride and selfishness are the key traits that will turn a person into a vampire. I’ve seen someone turned into one and he is recently spreading his venom, using me to lift his sinking ego. Thanks to him though, I started seeing the true colors of the people around me. I was affected at first, I cannot deny that, but now I’ve learned to contain myself and fight with my best companion, God. If before I always make sure to explain my side and condemn the person who taunted me, now I would rather remain calm and sort things out first. Now I’ve grasped that you don’t need to play their game, let them lose the battle not against you, but against themselves. There is no way you would be defeated if God is with you---stay still, everything will be fine.

YOU CAN NEVER BE HURT

As the cliché goes “You can never please everyone”, so try pleasing God and loving your family and friends instead. I guess I’ll continue to live with these vampires around me, waiting for the right moment to attack and draw the life out of me. But too sad for them, because I’ll remain positive amidst their negative presence. They can proclaim that I’m a piece of trash, but in the hearts of those people who knows me well, I’m a polished gem. 


These monsters are hurting inside, that's why they try to hurt other people too. You can never win against them head-on, but if you'll offer them forgiveness, they may soon learn to forgive themselves and heal eventually. I personally would want to slay the vampires of my life, not literally, but through words, until they break into pieces. But I'm thankful for realizing that there is more to life than hate. We exist because of love, and with love, we can heal the souls of these lonely creatures.



I hope you enjoyed this post :) I played with words and mixed fantasy with reality...but I do hope you captured the message. Once again, spread love not hate!


Have a beautiful heart,

GIRL TALK: Why are you so complicated, LOVE?

I’M NO LOVE GURU HERE, but what makes me want to talk about the complexities of this four letter word is beyond just giving love advice, but because I recently experienced one of the greatest trials my romantic relationship ever had. 

I will not share the exact story, because I prefer to keep those personal details in private *wink* But what I’ll be sharing in this post are the thoughts I’ve collected from the heartbreaks and triumphs of my love story’s detour. Before I begin, please keep in mind that in love, in takes two to tango. You can never love alone and never be loved in return. You can go crazy because of love, but in a good way. It can change you or you can change yourself because of it and have a better relationship. 

When you are in a long-term relationship, you can’t go anywhere than forward. Perhaps you can talk about getting married and having kids, or may be doing something that will broaden your take in your relationship even more. You’ll feel a bit pressured because everyone around you already knows what’s next in your relationship, supposedly. But on the other hand, there you are thinking of other stuff, like career advancement or pursuing a long-time dream. It’s not that you don’t prioritize your relationship with your partner; you just want to achieve a few things for yourself, maybe because it’s in your nature. 

Not everyone has this dilemma; I guess some would give in and settle immediately because that’s their preference. I can’t say which one is better, or if the other one is totally just being selfish. I don’t know. Maybe it’ll depend on the couple and their priorities. What’s important in this issue is the understanding between the two of you. If your partner wants to have his or her own personal space to grow, you can give that and still be happy together. However, in return, each must fulfill their role as a partner whatever the circumstances may be. If you can’t give your attention because you’re so preoccupied hitting your goal bull’s eye, you must let your partner go and be happy with someone else. 

CRAZY IN LOVE

Another thing is being crazy in love. You’ll never know how crazy you can become until you experience a turning point in your relationship. The butterflies inside your stomach and the twitching toes when you kiss or cuddle are nothing compared to the brain-racking feeling you’ll experience when you face an unexpected trial in your relationship. You’ll go mad overthinking and overreacting until it consumes you and eventually breaks you into tiny pieces…you won’t even know where to start picking your shattered heart. That’s being crazy in love. After you’ve been pounded, grinded and smashed, you’ll still comeback as if you want to get hurt a little more, as if all the heartaches aren’t enough for you to die…not yet. And this is so sad to be felt once and devastating to experience over and over again. 

And that moment when you can’t even cry because your tear ducts are already dry, that’s when you make a decision: To love yourself and walk away, or to fight for this love because it’s worth it. Either way, the process will be too difficult and can be unbearable, but I’m sure you’ll be happy at the end of it all. 

ON-POINT. Lang Leav can translate emotions into words perfectly...

CHANGE OF HEART

Now, do we really change for love? Can love really change us? Yes. Even if some will start to argue about it, you will definitely be changed by love, in one way or another. A sad truth? No. I’ve been beautifully changed by love. It made me love my flaws, made me conquer my fears, made me realize that I’m a gem and that I’m worth saving. Before, I somehow believe that I was ruined by love. My belief was it prevented me to be the best daughter, sister and friend, deprived me of a lot of good things in life, and made me dependent on the person I am with. These are the negative thoughts I had before. But it amazes me, until now, to realize that it was actually love that rescued me from the pitfalls I had before. It is love that made me stronger and more confident. It is love who changed the insecure young lady into a self-assured woman. 

In the end, no one can solve the complexity of love for you. It is for you to find out. Just remember that love is not generally sweet, it can be a bit sour, salty and even bitter as it grows. You just have to deal with its ever-changing form. Be on guard, but also try to be hurt sometimes so you’ll appreciate its worth. 

Love is complicated, but overall, it is beautiful. 

Fight for it and make it last!

Why 2016 feels like a bad dream

IT’S THE FASTEST, the saddest, and the most forgettable year according to many. I’ve seen a lot of posts in social media and articles in the web elaborating how awful this current year has been. May it be in politics, business, health, and even in relationships, most of us has something negative to say. For me, it’s half and half---partly I am so dead, praying this year would end right now so I can start anew, but as this year comes to an end, I’ve realized how blessed I am for having been turned upside-down by twenty-sixteen. 

I’ve faced tons of challenges, been through a lot of drastic changes and dealt with the hardest decisions I’ve ever made this year. A roller coaster ride won’t even be enough to describe how looped my life has become---it was like a creepy bedtime story with the best moral lesson. I don’t know how it was with other people, but for me, this year had given the greatest of opportunities, together with the worst of failures. Everything happened so fast yet so painful, it makes you want to forget and move on swiftly. That’s what I was doing before, which totally ripped my happy soul apart. 

Most of the time, I would snuggle between my pillows and push myself deep into the creases of my blanket, so I can fall fast asleep and forget how unhappy this year is. I started to lose my interest on the things that I love to do, and just diverted my full attention to the routine that I currently have. Even if I’m a very positive person (just like what those who know me would say), my bubbly personality was drained by all the disappointments piling up over my head. But don’t worry, this was then…and now is totally different. 

I must not forget that my first-ever bloggers event happened this year! It was such a great blessing indeed :)

I personally don’t know the explanation why this year seemed to be a very ill-fated year, maybe not for all, but for some---like me. But I believe those who have experienced the worst in 2016 have gathered the best life’s lesson they ever had so far. This year taught me three great things which I want to share with you: First, a set-back is just a beginning of something grand. Allow yourself to fall and stumble many times so you would be stronger each time you get up. Second, you’ll only fail to achieve your dreams if you stop chasing it. A prize won’t be given as it is, it must be fought for. Lastly, value your relationships, because these are the true source of happiness. If I wasn’t given a chance to experience the worst this year, I wouldn’t be so motivated, as I am right now, to pursue my heart’s desires. I strongly believe that the fruit of all our struggles will be sweeter and more memorable because we’ve been through the bitter phase and survived it. 

It will remain as a bad dream if you’ll look into the wicked things it has brought on your feet. But if you’ll try to turn on the light, you’ll wake up and realize that it is nothing but a beautiful nightmare. 

We shall all have a great year ahead, claim it!

GIRL TALK: When to Let Go of a Friend?

ASIDE FROM THE MISERIES our love life costs us, it is also our friends who usually give us heartbreaks. Sometimes, when a friend breaks our heart, it’s far more painful than actually breaking up with our boyfriend (or even after knowing that our crush will never like us). 

Our friends occupy a large space in our life. Actually, we spend most of our time with them than with our families (though this doesn’t apply to all). Why? Because they seem to understand us better, and they never fail to support our endeavors, whatever our pursuit may be. We are loved, trusted, cheered, comforted and even tolerated by our friends---that’s why we value them so much. Even the most introvert person can still have someone whom he or she considers as his or her friend. 

But what if things started to change? 

Just like any other relationship, a friendship is also bound to face struggles. It is normal to have disagreements and argue with a friend. Even though you agree on almost everything, there’ll come a time that you will disagree on a single thought or matter. When this happens, it is acceptable to give each other enough space to calm your thoughts and recognize your individualities. These disputes will soon be settled after a truthful dialogue and will lead to a better and stronger relationship. 

But what if you can’t settle your differences anymore? 

Change is the only permanent thing in this world, and your friend can change too. You’ll soon have these arguments that last longer than before; things will start to become unbearable. You’ll wake up one day exhausted with all the fights, starting to feel an unusual emotion towards your friend---hate. With this unwanted but irresistible feeling, you will quickly forget all the good memories that you had with your friend, and those will be replaced with bitterness. 

But you have a choice: 

To stay and save the friendship or let go and leave.

Of course you should try to save the friendship, do everything to resolve your issues, even if you have to swallow your pride and step on your ego. Why do these things? Simple, because you love your friend and you value your friendship. However, this may not be possible in all situations. Sometimes, after doing the best that you can, your friend won’t reciprocate. Worst scenario would be your friend causing you more harm than good. In such times, I think the best thing you can do is to let go and leave your friend. 

Don’t be too hard on yourself; never blame yourself because it’s over. If your friend is really “your friend” he or she will exert some efforts too (well he or she should). Friendship is a two-way thing. Although in some situations, one exerts more effort than the other, but it should not be you all the time. Now if you’re noticing that your friend is not helping you become a better person, and he or she only wears the tag “I’m your friend” at times when he or she badly needs you, then it’s time to let go and leave your friend---move on. Maybe that friend of yours is not really a friend at all, but a mere acquaintance. 

Remember, you don’t need people who will push you down; you don’t need a person who will let you deal alone with a problem; you don’t need somebody who will always take but will never ever give anything in return---You don’t deserve a friend who acts like a stranger but feeds on you like a parasite.

We are destined to meet different people in our lives, but not all of them are destined to stay. Maybe you just met that friend for a reason, but it doesn’t mean that he or she is meant to stay with you for a long time. Keep the good memories that you’ve shared as friends, but when you feel that things aren’t right anymore, listen to your heart and pray---maybe it’s already time to leave your friend behind and move forward. 


But in the end, let us not forget that it is best to save a friendship than part ways as strangers. Let God heal the wounds and try your best to be a better friend than yesterday. Think hard and Pray hard before making any decisions :) 


Will always be your lovely friend,

Chasing Dreams: My PAL Experience

"You never failed because you never tried"

It is a dream for me to become a flight attendant. However, I wasn't able to pursue it right after college because I knew that I'm not yet ready. Flight attendants are almost close to perfection, and I believe that I'm not even close to being one. Recognizing my flaws, I worked hard to improve myself. After learning how to put on makeup, improving my skin condition, and building my confidence... I finally decided to try my luck.

I want to fly the flag, so I applied at PAL...

...and this is my bittersweet story :)

THE BEGINNING

One rainy afternoon, I went to their office at PNB Financial building (Macapagal Blvd, Pasay City) and submitted my curriculum vitae. That was a Friday, and I was nothing but hopeful that they'll call me soon. To my surprise, I received a text message from them, Tuesday morning. After a few minutes, I found myself answering questions from a lady on the other line, who later scheduled me for an impact interview. I was given only two weeks to prepare for it so I spent my time seriously preppin' up: reading blogs, buying clothes and makeup and treating my pimples and scars. 

Finally, the day came and I was so ready (I believe so): wearing my black blazer, black knee-length skirt, white collared blouse, red lipstick, red nails, pearl earrings, skin-tone stockings and my hair in a neat bun. I projected a composed, confident, and happy image as I arrived at PAL HR's office. 

THE IMPACT INTERVIEW

It started at 8AM, there were 26 applicants inside the room (including me). However, the tension weakened my knees, I began to lose my spirit. Most of them are very pretty! We were required to submit our transcript of records, CV, and 2x2 picture. After a while, two beautiful women entered the room and we finally started the heart-pounding screening. 

We were called one by one, randomly, to deliver our 2 to 3-minute speech (simply tell something about yourself) and walk straight to them so they can check our smile profile. One by one, each of us enjoyed our share of that moment to stand in front of everyone. After the last applicant, one of the interviewers called several names who were instructed to get a piece of paper from them and read the result outside.

I think my heart stopped for a few minutes. 

And I didn't heard my name.

Out of 26, there were 8 applicants who remained inside the room (including me! yay!) one boy and the rest were girls. We are about to face the second round and they'll be scrutinizing our entire being. Again, we were called one by one, were asked different questions and checked our arms and face for blemishes and scars. After everyone was done, they called a name and the rest were asked to sit near them (the interviewers). 

I was one of the 7 applicants who passed!

"Congratulations! You passed the impact interview!" I can't believe that I made it through that five hours of nerve-racking interview! I'm so happy and thankful :) They gave us tips on how we can even look perfect for our final (panel) interview. But before that, we need to pass the initial medical and different exams. Still a long way to go, but thank God I survived the first step! 

We took our lunch and returned at 2 pm for our initial medical. They checked our height, weight, body frame and eyesight (vision check for color blindness). The requirement is at least 5' 3 height for girls and 5' 6 height for boys; weight must be proportional to height and 20/20 vision, not color-blind. I passed the initial medical, but sadly, only 5 of us remained (out of 7 who passed in Impact interview).

Though I'm so tired and exhausted, I went home happy and contented :)

THE EXAM (Profile XT and BMAA)

The Impact interview happened on June 15, 2016 (Wednesday), then I was scheduled to take the exam on June 17, 2016 (Friday). I looked for online IQ tests and run through each the whole day of June 16.

The location of my exam was at Ortigas Center and was administered by Profiles Asia. It is divided into two parts: the first part is composed of numerical, verbal and abstract reasoning. I think I was given only less than a minute for each question which made it quite difficult, I was so pressured that time! You have to pass this part in order to proceed to the second part. 

Fortunately, I passed :) so I was directed to the second part of the exam. There was no time limit according to the psychometrician, but I finished mine within an hour. The second part of the exam was composed of long series of questions, basically a combination of Math, English (vocabulary and grammar), Logic and Personality questions. When I was done, I left the office and was told to wait for the results next week. 

I waited for a week before I received a text message from them, instructing me to call their office. I called and was informed that I passed the exam :) I was immediately given a schedule for the Integrity test. 

Note: This step (Integrity test) is new, because I haven't read anything about it from the previous blogs.

THE INTEGRITY TEST

According to my research, an integrity test is simply an honesty test. I found a few samples online, which I tried just to to be familiar with it. 

The location of my Integrity test was at Universal Motors Building (Chino Roces Ave.). The test was a bit confusing and each question has a time limit. I used a computer in answering the questions. I just trusted my instincts and answered truthfully (somehow..*smiles*). Again, I've waited for the results. 

It was Friday when I took the exam, and the results came two days after---I passed! 

The HR lady on the phone delivered the most heart-pounding news, I was scheduled for an Executive Panel Interview (EPI) on Thursday, June 30, 2016. 

THE FINAL INTERVIEW (EPI)

They've given me two days to prepare, but I was so worried because of my hormonal acne (I always have them before my period), my skin was not at its best. 

I just tried to remain calm and conceal all the blemishes along my jawline and chin. I woke up so early on the day of the EPI, so I had a lot of time to prepare. I decided to put more makeup (than what I sported during the Impact interview) for a more polished look. 

I arrived at the PNB building an hour early. I know that they will just ask us a few personal questions and read a spiel, so I was not really super nervous. However, I was the last applicant to be called, and I've already waited for three hours, that's why I'm not feeling very well as I entered the room...

...the interview went well. I was also asked to remove my blazer so that they could check my arms.

As I walked out of the room and returned to my seat, I can feel that I'm about to finally achieve my dream, because after this will be the full medical and training---then, I can already fly the flag. 

But then I heard my name was called. I was instructed to enter the room again and was told that I didn't passed the EPI. Maybe you're also wondering why? Me too. I don't even know what to say, but the HR lady told me that it was just about my makeup, it looked "mataray" in front of the panelists, and also, I failed to hold my smile during the interview. 

My hands were shaking as I tried to push the door of the HR office. I immediately went to the comfort room and recalled everything. I didn't cried, not yet. I texted my parents, my sister, my friends (Henry and Ana) and called Mr. J. It was beyond the word "sayang", because I've been through a lot. The words I've written here cannot describe all the sacrifices I've made just to reach the last step of the application, but still, I failed...I failed in chasing my dream. 

To be honest, I don't want to share this experience because it was such a shame on my part. I'm not good in accepting failures, because I rarely fail. There are a lot of people around me who believed that I would make it, but sadly, I didn't. I guess there will also be people out there who would say "you deserve it, buti nga", and they are one of the reasons why I hesitated in bringing this story out. 

It was like a heartbreak, it's like you've lost a valuable thing in your life. But that moment when I keep on blaming myself, thank God I have my family and friends---I survived because of them. They keep on telling me that maybe it was not yet my time to be a cabin crew, or maybe there is a greater opportunity waiting for me and I just need to believe in Him. I don't know if these things are true...but I always believe that He has better plans than mine. 

Right now, I don't know why he made me experience this whole thing, yet fail in the end. Maybe to share this story with you, my readers (if I have any...hehe) so that you'll somehow realize these things too:

1. There is no single person who never fails, but one cannot always fail either.

2. Failures humble a person, it's God way of saying "Hey, you still need me".

3. God's plans are always the best, all you need to do is to be patient, wait for the right time. 

4. In every experience, good or bad, you'll meet people who are destined to be a part of your life. 

5. Those who experience failures are those who always chase their dreams---so don't give up!

Since day one, I prayed for the success of this endeavor. Though the ending was not what I've expected it to be, I'm still happy because a lot of great things happened to me as I struggle with this mishap: I've realized that I have the best people around me, my family and friends, who didn't even doubted my chances of succeeding in the future. 

Others have tried seven times just to receive 

their wings, so I won't give up!

If you've reached this far, well thank you for reading the entire post. Being a cabin crew is really not an easy thing, the application process seem to be a long shot for me again. But still, I would like to thank everyone who supported me, I cannot mention all of your names, but your warm hugs and best wishes are enough for me to move on and seek another great perhaps. But if you're one of those who is now happy that I failed in chasing my dream, don't worry, because I believe I'll be able to achieve it---so stay tuned, because I'll fly soon! :)

If you have questions, don't hesitate to post a comment below and I'll definitely answer, to the best of my knowledge :) 

Keep on chasing your dreams!

HELP! I'm Procrastinating!

THESE PAST FEW WEEKS, I’ve been using this term excessively. Yes. I completely turned myself into a procrastinator. I’m not sure yet, but I believe that this thing changed my forever-enthusiastic self into an I-will-do-this-later person.

I tend to be overly conscious with everything that I do; I would always beat deadlines days ahead before it rings the bell, I would organize my schedule every time so I could accommodate more things and accomplish more. I am a freak when it comes to self-evaluation, I don’t settle for good, but only for the best. And how come these things happen? How come I became a lazy bed potato, ruining everyday with my idling tendencies?

Of course, after being splashed with cold water, I woke up from this dream of never-ending deferment, which led me to a journey of finding the solution.

I googled the term (though I already know the meaning of it) hoping the search results will show me helpful articles about it. Besides, the best strategy to deal with an enemy is by being familiar with its roots and everything related to it. So the definition came up, which basically tells me that “yes, you are really procrastinating because you tend to delay doing what is needed and focuses on something that is less important.” Then, articles about “How to stop procrastinating” and “Why you procrastinate and How to stop it” showed up. Then I decided: it’s time to flush this thing out of my system and regain the usual me, again.

But the great question is: Why do we really procrastinate? Simple, we get too overwhelmed by the tasks on-hand that we resort in doing something which will allow us to forget about the stress embedded on those tasks. If I am required to finish a report or a presentation, I will often open my Facebook account and browse endlessly. Yes, I was able to escape that brain-racking moment for a while, but at the end of the day, I would drag myself again to accomplish those tasks. What is the bad thing about this kind of routine? I don’t really get rid of the burden, because I’m just adding weight to it.

And so, I decided to do some readings and follow the tips laid by different people. Luckily, I’m now starting to bury my “procrastinating-self”: six feet under, cold ^_^

******************

Let me share these quick tips on how you can stop procrastinating and be more productive!

1. Create a detailed TO-DO LIST and stick to it

It is very important that we guide ourselves as we work and accomplish different tasks. Organizing things will allow us to focus on each task one at a time, thus, making the work less stressful because the tasks don’t pile up. This technique will also allow us to monitor our undertakings and manage our time so that we can still enjoy some “free time”. Always beat the clock and stick to the deadlines!

2. Heavier tasks first, lighter tasks later

Our energy has its limitations. So whenever we fell like finishing a pretty hard task, we should give our utmost energy on it. You need to stop rescheduling a difficult errand and putting the simpler ones first on the list, because this will surely eat up your energy. First things first!

3. Turn off interruptions

Don’t be too busy doing things that you don’t need to do in order to avoid the things that you supposed to do. Stalking your favorite band won’t help you if your goal is to prepare for an exam. If you need to accomplish something that involves your computer, don’t open your social networking accounts, like Facebook and Twitter, they will surely diverge your attention. If the music being played on your iPod makes you groove and sing-a-along, I don’t think you need it, especially if you’re beating a deadline. Focus on the track, no detours please!

4. Select a procrastinating-free environment

If you are too comfortable working while lying on your bed (I’m guilty of this crime), get up and go somewhere else, because tendencies are you’ll be too relax to mind the things you need to finish and end-up sleeping, or you’ll allow your mind to wander off and get trapped. Be comfortable enough to let your mind and body work at its best, but not to forget that you are on a race with tick-tock.

5. Involve other people

Let others know what you’re up to. Involve your friends and family; tell them what you’re working at and what you’re trying to accomplish as of the moment. In this way, you’ll be forced to give them some updates, thus, pushing you to work harder and faster. Sometimes, all we need is someone who will monitor us, especially if we lack the initiative.

6. Evaluate yourself before the day ends

Lastly, see to it that you’ll track your progress. This will challenge you to do better each day, because you’ll be able to see how productive you are. Don’t forget to reward yourself of course!

*********************

You don’t need external motivation. All you need to have is a routine which will allow you to develop the habit of perseverance, hardwork and initiative.

So next time that you feel like you're going to procrastinate again, just remember these tips and think of how precious your time is! 

Ooops! I still need to do some office works, tehee! bye!

I'M DONE, I QUIT!

How many times have you recited this line “I can’t take this anymore, I want to quit!” For my case, I guess a hundred times. Though I’m not a quitter (yes, I’m not), whenever I’m so stressed out, I will often curse life and declare that I will abandon the mission. But often than not, I will end up finishing the task on hand and overcoming another struggle. I’m honestly curious about the outcome “if” I do really quit in the middle of a pursuit, what could’ve happened? I really wonder.

But what makes us quit? And what can we do to retreat this idea? Can this be somehow useful on a different scenario?

I must have quitted a hundred times if not for my belief that “quitters will never be winners”. It is one my guiding principle. However, because I’m only human, I’ve also quitted several times in my life, most of them, I deeply regret until now.

In college, I would quit after finishing halfway through the chapters that I need to read, for a final exam the following day. I do that because I’m just exhausted and I felt the urge to enjoy a deep slumber. Of course, I will regret that, knowing I would have gotten perfect scores if I only sacrificed my sleep. I also quitted my passion in drawing anime characters, simply because I’m not being supported by my parents enough, because they would rather buy me books instead of drawing materials. Though my creative side was never forgotten, I am just slightly resentful of the possible outputs I might have created. I have a lot more inside my bag of memoirs, but each situation boils down to one question: “What if I didn’t quit?”

~A doctor someday~ A dream that will never be a reality for me is to become a medical doctor someday. Though I've quitted a long time ago, I still find a way to realize this dream by taking up a master's degree in biology, and hopefully a doctorate degree in the future :) 

If you would talk with smokers and ask them why they started smoking and if they really liked it, I bet each of them has a unique story to tell. One may tell you it was because of being young and curious before. The other may say that it is simply because of peer pressure, wanting to be accepted, just to look cool in front of their friends. But for some, it is more of a choice. They may also share their plans of quitting their bond with cigarettes, and again, that will be a different story---and these stories will show us that quitting is not purely disadvantageous.

What am I pointing out on this? Quitters come in different forms and the result of their actions may be a priceless experience, an awful regret or just a hang on a cliff. I strongly believe that one must encourage himself / herself not to quit in the midst of the toughest situations, holding on to the faith that after every storm is a beautiful rainbow. However, we can’t neglect the fact that sometimes, we should also learn to let go, even in the middle of a race, especially if that’s the best thing we can do for that moment.

We usually quit when times get rough and if the situation becomes unmanageable. Most of the time, if our car goes off track, instead of pulling it back to the right lane, we choose to go out and leave it behind. But it’s the decision-making part that we take-for-granted the most, questioning ourselves “should I quit or not?” Once we felt that the burden is too much, we quit. Whenever the scenario becomes dark and unfamiliar, we quit. If our ideals were shattered and there’s nothing much to believe in, we quit. We resort in “quitting” because we are burnt out, stressed, unhappy, unmotivated, unloved. But what is our basis for quitting? Is it our emotions? I think that reason is too shallow. To quit is to end a game. And since it has a huge impact on one or more aspects of our lives, it must be done after carefully looking into options, weighing pros and cons, seeking for advice and reassessing the situation. It is not a decision to be made overnight.

After graduating last year, my sister started working as a Human Resource recruitment officer for a large mall franchise in the Philippines. She was already a regular employee this year when she decided to quit the job. But what made her leave this very decent job, with tons of benefits and possible promotional opportunities? Simple, it’s because she was unhappy. I won’t divulge the details, but I guess satisfaction is not merely on the material things a career can offer you, because it is the in depth experiences which will truly matters.

To quit is to gamble. You don’t know what will happen next, unless the outcome is already definite, just like in quitting smoking or drinking. If you are already sure what will happen next after you retreated, that’s good for you, but if not, then it’s either you think twice or just face the consequences. It’s not easy, I know, but what I would like you to get from this post is an open mind and an open heart. Be willing to take a second glance before turning your back. Perseverance is one of the keys to success and it takes determination to set aside the thoughts of giving up. But still, it also takes a strong will to let go and let your destiny unfold.

~Entering a new life~ This is the first photo I posted on my personal FB account when I got hired to teach at DLSUD. I quitted my job from a beloved institution in exchange for great opportunities here at La Salle---until now, I'm hoping I made the right choice.

It may be confusing for you, but at the end of the day, with God’s guidance, everything will be clear. Don’t be afraid to share your thoughts to someone, especially to your family and friends, they will be of great help for sure. I’m currently in a state wherein I’m also deciding if I should quit or not, and I tell you, all you need to do is to seek for God’s will, know what His plans are because you’ll never go wrong with it. And I guess now, I’m pretty much decided ^_^.

Thank you for reading, I know this is quite long, but I hope this somehow enlightened you in your pursuit for change, happiness and satisfaction.

More of my thoughts for the days to come! Have a great day ahead!

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Dealing with insecurities

“Love your own skin, love yourself" This is a cliché already. But even if you ask the prettiest girl in the world, I bet she will confess that ounce of insecurity hiding under her sleeves---itching to be resolved.

I decided to talk about “insecurity” for this blog post because of a student. This very smart and friendly student of mine wrote me a letter last week. In her letter, she opened about her insecurities which bother her soul every single day. According to her, she may look strong and stable outside, but deep inside her is a girl wanting to be swallowed by the ground. Her insecurities were more on her physical appearance, being larger than an average teenager, coupled with messy hair and not-your-definition-of-pretty facial features. Even before she opened to me about these things, I already noticed her lack of self-confidence because she would always stare at the ground and was very uneasy whenever someone is staring at her. At that moment, as I read her letter, memories came back as if they only happened yesterday---It was painful to reminisce the past which already burnt into ashes.

My favorite quote about insecurity. Loud people tend to hide their insecurities, but those who are confident enough can always keep their silence. 

I remember when I was still in elementary; I don’t even bother looking at the mirror and check myself. I don’t even put powder on or wear cute hairpins and headbands, for me, these are for girls who focuses more on looking good rather than getting good grades. I survived primary level without getting bullied or being called with names. But as I stepped into high school, things changed. In the 7^th grade, I noticed that most of the girls are already putting powder on and their cheeks blushed artificially because of tints, while their lips were somewhat glossy due to layers of lip balms. As I compared myself to them, I noticed that I don’t look good---they look better.

My skin is already fair, and I have to say that even without powder on, my face looks white and smooth, but still, I dealt with mockeries from my classmates. My face is so pale, my eyebrows are so thin that it looks like it don’t exist at all, my nose is not that tall, my teeth are large making my mouth protrude a little, and my eyes are very small with very few and short eyelashes. Thanks to my Chinese lineages, I was bullied, verbally, by some of my self-proclaimed-perfect classmates. But the good thing about me, I didn’t care.

Yes, deep inside, I was so insecure by my looks because I have a lot of pretty classmates. But what made me ignore all of those ridicules is the fact that I believe I have one thing they’ll find difficult to possess---I’m smart. I’m not bragging here, but I do believe that having the brains is far better than having a pretty face alone. Since high school and towards college, I kept on holding to my plans of improving my physical self after graduating. And now, I guess, I already did. But regardless of the praises I am receiving from the people who surround me now, I’m still certain of the fact that beauty will fade after years. I need this now because it helps me interact confidently with others, but I guess I can’t rely on it for quite a long time. It is the heart that really matters, because it will stay with the people I’ve touched forever.

This is me when my face is naked. See? I'm not perfect but I've perfectly learned  to love my flaws :)

We have different insecurities that we find difficult to flush out of our system. It may be physical (which is very common, especially to girls), intellectual and social, which all lead to emotional distress. Insecurity, if defined literally, is just the lack of self-confidence. All that we need to do is to accept the fact that we are not perfect. Other people may appear close to being perfect outside, but you don’t know how shattered that person is inside. We cannot have it all, because that will put out the fire of humility in us---which is very important.

So how should we deal with our insecurities? Simple, recognize each of them first. If you’re not good-looking, accept it and find a way on how you can improve yourself. Don’t put on a mask, because that could be easily removed. Highlight your assets and work on your flaws, learn to love yourself and appreciate how uniquely God created you, because from there, you’ll get the change from the depths of your being, which will reveal your inner beauty.

You can do a lot of things to improve yourself, that’s how you should deal with your insecurities---seek for self-improvement and love yourself. Confidence cannot be given to you by your family, friends or even a mentor, it must come from within, and it must be willingly acknowledged by the person. Listen to suggestions and constructive criticisms from other people; these will help you look at yourself from the point-of-view of others. However, my one last advice is never to resort on imitating others. Find an inspiration, then work on it and build yourself uniquely.

My body may bear those bulges, but who cares? I love it anyway :)

Everything becomes beautiful outside, if the inside is refined by nothing but goodness.

Loving all my flaws because God gave each of them as a blessing ^_^ 

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